This list is nothing like your typical technique tip list. These “tips”, are general concepts to adopt into your thoughts and behaviors – rather than superficial techniques of where to place your fingers, what foods make your semen sweet, or how to tickle her elbow upside down with the upper left corner of your tongue while thinking about EPL
Techniques are important, don’t get me wrong – but they’re nothing without a proper belief system and a solid foundation. I’m going to assume you’re a good man with good intents, and you’ve got all your basics handled. I think highly of you, and know you don’t need to hear common sense tips like “you need to brush your teeth and shower” and “don’t bite her vagina off like jaws” (I mean, unless she’s into that?).
Also, apparently I need to make it explicit: these ideas are for women you’re already seeing and have a consensual sexual relationship already established. You know, women who already want to have sex with you. I hope you’re mature enough to comprehend these tips apply to a specific positive sexual context, and are each part of a holistic approach towards mutually satisfying sex. And to those who will find this post upsetting, Mbok, don’t read any further.
Ready? Here we go (I know you’ll really like number 4, it’s magical – just resist skipping ahead).
1. A woman’s biggest sex organ is her brain
“Wait, what? How am I going to lick or finger that? Ewwwww!”
No no, that’s the typical mindset of somebody (most people) that’s got it all wrong: the belief that you need to stimulate her body by tweaking one nipple to the other like your are looking for coolfm and wazobia radio to make her feel good… I mean it is called “getting physical” isn’t it?
This is probably the biggest sex misconception out there (maybe only behind the one that says women don’t like sex as much as men… please, please, please tell me you know women do indeed love incredible, mind-blowing sex). Yes, I do.
So what does this mean? Everything really. At the basic level, it means you should be turning her on first with her imagination – not her clitoris – then getting physical. Excite her emotions and mind, and her body will follow. Stop looking at me like that joke.
Women do indeed love incredible, mind-blowing sex.
On a higher level, it means she’s capable of having (and you giving) orgasms without any physical stimulation whatsoever. I’m serious, It’s not a quick & easy feat.
You call bullshit eh? …ever had a wet dream?
What can you do about it? Well, here’s a few easy things: send sexy texts/emails, role-play, act out fantasies, write erotic stories, and for Cessa’s sake talk dirty to her! You don’t know how many women(even me) feel stupid when they’re trying to express themselves to you vocally, and the guy freaks out or just, you know, does nothing and keeps going! Kai, it can pain.
It’s hot, it’s sexy, and it turns her the hell on. If you don’t think it’s “cool” or “normal”, get over it and challenge your comfort zone. Many people have different definitions and expectations on talking naughty, and even see it as a mild taboo, so your milage may very.
Warning: dirty talk is an art. Ease into it and discover each others comfort zones; done wrong or too far too soon can be an instant turn off. If you’re not comfortable with it, you can come off sounding pretty ridiculous – or on the other side, laughably stupid : like telling her how much you love to “copulate” (hello, biology class) with your genitalia.
Remember too, that the raunchier you get, the more mutual respect and trust is needed.
It’s really important though, so learn it and get it right!
Need proof? Romance novels are the highest selling genre of fiction books (estimates at over 50%). Hmm… I wonder why.
2. Men are switches, women are analog knobs
Well, you either want it, or you don’t. There’s not much in-between for us. Women on the other hand, need to be turned on – not simply flipped on (for the most part).
Imagine a light switch. That’s men. Now imagine that really big awesome round knob that controls the volume of your olden days big stereo. That’s women. Obviously I’m generalizing, but just go along with the analogy.
Play your woman as an instrument; conduct her
pleasure as a symphony of the most beautiful instruments imaginable…
Men can usually be ready at the drop of a dime to get it on, but most women need to get a bit warmed up first. How fast or slow you turn the knob is important, but either way, you’re turning a knob.
A good way to do it is like this: turn her up a few notches, then down a notch. Turn her up a bit more, then ease back a bit. Turn her up some more, and just wait. You get the idea. With your stereo system, you’re not going to blare it as soon as you flip it on (notice how people jump when this happens?), you’re going to turn it up.
With music as well, the volume and intensity isn’t constant – it fluctuates, it’s dynamic. Build her up buttercup and release; build the tension and suspense, then resolve it (a la tip #4). Play your woman as an instrument; conduct her pleasure as a symphony of the most beautiful instruments imaginable, each playing their own critical part in the melody of her ecstasy, coming in and out at the perfect tempo and intensity, arriving at the climax of her most erotic cadence.
At a deeper level, this is about understanding that men and women are different. You think, feel, act, and emote different – and you need to be able to understand how to “translate”. They have different social pressures and double standards, and a whole slew of things you guys don’t have to deal with. So make sure you don’t try and flip her on, but turn her on the right way at the right speed, which varies person-to-person.
This leads me right into…
3. Don’t go too fast (or too slow!)
An incredible lover can judge how fast or slow to “turn the knob”. He can sense when she’s getting impatient and ready to get things going, or when she’s not ready to go there yet – settle down darlings .
You’d think most guys have a problem of going too fast, but actually, most nice/good guys have the problem of going too sslllooooowww. Yeah, mostly because:
they hear that girls don’t like sex, they hear you should take it really slow, they have no idea what to do, or how to do it, they’re afraid to man up, lead, and go for it
You have no idea how many times I’ve heard a woman complain: “I was waiting forever for him to just make the move”.
Go too fast and you’re a pervert; go too slow and you’re a wussy. A good lover knows when the time’s right, and how to calibrate his woman.
Depending on what you’re actually doing, going ridiculously “too” slow (or fast) can be a fantastic thing, especially when used in the context of…
Hopefully you didn’t cheat and come here before 1-3, as that would have ruined all my fun!*side eye*
Yes, you see what I did there – isn’t anticipation wonderful? It is, so much so, women (even you men too) admit that often times the anticipation of something is better than actually getting it.
Crazy! It makes total sense though, doesn’t it?
It’s human nature, and marketers use it all the time, often by hyping up product launches and “coming soon” ads. The best are those in TV and movies, but oh, you gotta wait for it!
I’m sure you get the idea, you experience it everyday. Now just apply it to relationships and sex.
How do you apply this? Well on basic, intimate, physical levels, you can take “about to do/on my way to do” things really slow.
If she know’s exactly what to expect and can predict it, her interest will usually be a lot less.
What I mean by this is, if you’re about to kiss her, go in for the kiss… slowly. Or tell her you’re going to kiss her… but don’t tell her when. When you’re kissing up her legs toward her thighs, do it slowly… almost painstakingly slow. She’ll “get/go mad”, trust me. She’ll yell at you to just “go in for the kill” – but don’t do it!
She’ll be disappointed in you deep down inside if you “give in” too quickly.
Think about when you’re tickling somebody. They push you away and tell you stop… but you keep doing it because you’re both actually enjoying it of course, and the more they tell you not to, the more you do it, because it’s obvious they like it (almost too much).
Same basic idea with physical anticipation. Really, just keep building the anticipation until she can’t take it anymore… then just a lil bit more. I know, I’m a bit evil, but yeah, women always seem to love it. Don’t over do it and be annoying though – know the threshold, and don’t do it every time, all the time. so tease good.
It’s all just fun; there should be no power games or pretense.
On a higher level, you can do other types of anticipation. Event anticipation for example; make plans with her a few days in advance, but don’t tell her what you have planned. Emotional anticipation; have the kind of relationship where all day she’s thinking about how happy she’s going to feel when she’s back in your arms (or pinned down underneath them) later that night.
Finally, just be a bit unpredictable (in a good way) – this in itself is a bonus tip! If she know’s exactly what to expect and can predict it, her interest will usually be a lot less. Be too unpredictable though, and she’ll see you as unstable and out of control. Remember, balance.
5. Lead and be Dominant
okay guys, this one’s a doozy. You hear time and time again how men should make the first move. Most of the time you’re going to lead yourself, her, and others. There’s already tons out there on how to be a leader in life and what it exactly means, and I suggest developing the ability. It’s something important both in and out of the bedroom, let’s talk about the later.
As a man, it’s your job to lead in the bedroom – whether you’re on top or bottom, it doesn’t matter. This can be physically leading, such as: taking her hand and going to the bedroom, or emotionally leading, such as: being open, honest, and adventurous, showing her that it’s okay to do the same.
Why? Women are more independent as ever now, as they forge ahead in the world, their careers, schooling, parenting, and picking up the slack where other men aren’t. Their days consist of roles that require leading themselves and others, and when it’s time to be with her man, she wants needs to be able to surrender to her man as he leads her through blossoming her femininity and making her feel like the incredible woman she is.
Dominate and be in control. Dominant, not domineering; in control, not controlling. This is very important, and is the line from being an excellent man, to a horrible, abusive one. You never ever force yourself or doing anything against the will of your woman, and there’s an obvious difference between a “playful flirty ‘no’ with a smile” and a “NO! STOP!”
Okay, now that the obvious bad guy note is out of the way, let’s talk about being dominant and in control. This one of the secret, positive qualities of the “bad boy” and “jerks” that women just can’t help but to get addicted to. Unfortunately, it often comes with the bad traits of dishonesty, abuse, etc – but applied to the good guy you are, you’re in for an excellent combination.
He leads her through blossoming her femininity and making her feel like the incredible woman she is.
Examples: take her hand and slide just where you want it, pin her down with her hands above her head, get a little rough (calibrate her boundaries), and even make it hard for her to get on top.With kisses, tell her what to do and how to do it, Do what you want to her and have your way with her without asking for permission (if you do cross a line, genuinely apologize, stop, and change course).
You don’t always have to be “on top” and “controlling everything that’s going on”, but you need to be the solid, stable man with control of the situation. Feel free to switch it up, and of course, always welcome her own wants and desires – and make them real for her.
Remember this isn’t an ego, superiority, sexist thing. She wants to surrender to you because you’re an amazing man that makes her feel incredible because you ignite her femininity in ways most men don’t – why wouldn’t she?
…………….. To be continued
Please do leave a comment and let us know what you think and special thanks to Princessa Lucci Dozie for the tips. Stay tuned for more and have a nice day.